remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
