im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
