So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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