Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
