so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
