shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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