Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
