I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
