your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
