I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
