he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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