next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
