I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
