She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
