I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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