Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
