the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
