I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
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