i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
