She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
