i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
