Porn is love you can see.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
