the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
