You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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