well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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