then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
