bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
