I wish I could teleport
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
