Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
