I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
