Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
