I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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