It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
