I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
