Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
