I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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