I just made out with a guy for $7.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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