Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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