Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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