If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
