tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
