ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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