you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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