Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
