Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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