sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
