I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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