Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
