why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
