seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
