I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
