so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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